On procrastination

Like most, I have witnessed myself lose hours and hours on trivial matters. Brain-dead trawling of YouTube, checking social media every thirty seconds. These patterns have afflicted me for a few years. It frightens me to think of how much time I have lost.

I am currently reading Russell Brand’s RecoveryOne point discussed that really stood out was the notion that one must not rely on external, uncontrollable factors to be happy. Another was that Russell put his past addictions down to the fear of being alone.

This made me think about my own situation. The social media obsession, the constant, pointless distractions. It’s to create noise. Even though these things waste time, and make me unhappy, I still partake in them. So I don’t have to look within. That buzz of seeing a red heart on Instagram, while nice, cannot be controlled by me. Trawling stuff I don’t even care about on YouTube, while passing time, and distracting, does not help me grow as a person.

All this lost time could have been spent on reading, writing, doing things that I enjoy. I have now, for the first time, taken steps to change. Namely:

  1. Make my phone less accessible e.g. in another room while reading, on the other side of the room before bed. Also not looking at it just before bed
  2. Build up my concentration again. This can be achieved by reading in short bursts, doing puzzles, exercise
  3. Writing diary entries about my successes and anxieties. Examining, but not overthinking

Last night was a really good start. I read before bed, wrote a diary entry by candlelight, and listened to some great music. I have delayed indulging in things I enjoy for as long as I can remember. Therefore, it was really gratifying to actually do those things. I also slept really well, which is a change from recent times. Even better, I woke early today, and read some more, and got ready on time for once.

It will be a long journey, but I feel driven by this thinking. It will be a day-to-day process, but I can, and will, become more efficient, and help myself be happier.

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